The Top Five Steam Malware Packages You Absolutely Have To Download

With Steam making it easier than ever to involuntarily get into cryptocurrency or to learn new and innovative techniques on uploading your personal information to someone else’s cloud, there’s really no excuse not try all of these great titles. Check out our list of the top Steam malware packages, and let us know if you think we missed any!

RealSex Simulator For Real (Breasts)

Although some critics have derided RealSex Simulator For Real (Breasts) as “literally just a browser window which opens directly to PornHub”, true Steam afficionadoes know that Valve would never have allowed such a thing onto their platform without rigorously checking it to make sure it meets their strict standards. And if seeing a boob wasn’t enough, RealSex Simulator For Real (Breasts) will also store your credit card details for you, meaning you don’t need to worry about memorising all of those troublesome digits. Game of the Year!

Coin Hop

Did you ever want to get into Frogger, but were turned off by the lack of included malware that hijacked your computer to mine bitcoins for a syndicate of drug runners operating out of the Cayman Islands? Coin Hop is the refreshing modern reboot which fixes exactly that problem, allowing you to jump over cars – or in this case, coins – while someone on the other side of the planet makes a few bucks. Only Valve’s innovative version could deliver this kind of new co-operative experience!

Overwatch Full Game Deluxe FREE

As someone who has always wanted to play Overwatch but couldn’t afford the price tag, I was pleasantly surprised to find the full game of Overwatch on Steam, ready to play – and the Deluxe Edition, no less! Even big name studios like Blazzo Entretainmont have seen the wisdom of Valve’s new Steam Direct policy, and ordinary gamers like you and I are the ones who benefit. This new Steam version of Overwatch does need its own launcher which seems to be taking a while to download all of the game files, but I can hear my hard drive working overtime so I’m sure it’s all good.


Speaking as someone who just hates being able to use his PC, I found the experience of Datablastr extremely compelling. Rather than being able to access your data like normal, downloading Datablastr actually encrypts the entire contents of your hard drive, locking you out completely until you “solve the puzzle” of how to give this weird Russian man some bitcoins. It’s a compelling take on the old text adventure genre and quite frankly I’m hooked. This is one puzzle I won’t be able to put down!

Feelings: Critically Acclaimed Indie Title

With trustworthy old-school graphics and a charming hand-drawn font, there’s no way that a gorgeous little title like Feelings could be hiding anything malicious! That’s what Steam must have been thinking, and quite frankly that’s good enough for me. One thing I found particularly impressive was the way that the game asks you for your full name, your address, your phone number, your date of birth, and your mother’s maiden name, so that it can customise the adventure. Download it and enjoy some world-class interactive storytelling, in a tight little package!

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