Local Man Who Didn’t Care About Game of Thrones Struggling To Find New Thing To Loudly Not Care About

For a brief period each year, Mondays would become the highlight of Homer Smuck’s week. After each airing of Game of Thrones, Smuck would log onto the Internet, jump onto both Facebook and Twitter, and get down to what he considered to be his finest work: loudly chastising people for caring about a show he had never watched.

“It’s all just tits and dragons lol”, reads just one of the many devastating social media posts from Smuck, made in the middle of season 6. “That was a big one for me”, Smuck fondly reminisces. “It was paraphrased from Ian McShane, but I don’t think the four people who ‘liked’ the post knew that.”

With Game of Thrones over, though, Smuck is finding himself facing a brand new world – one in which there’s no show left to performatively avoid.

“My posts and tweets were important, because they showed that I didn’t care about the big thing that everyone else was enjoying”, Smuck reminisces, sipping absentmindedly through a straw at a glass of diet lemonade, filled to the rim with ice. He’s been sat at his desktop for three full days when we spoke to him, the cursor blinking inside his Facebook status update bar, but finding that he has nothing left to say.

“I remember, once, at the height of this whole thing – back when everyone (except me) was really enjoying the third season – I was getting some real traction”, he recalls. “I remember one Monday I tweeted ‘dragons aren’t real, grow up’, and I got seven full likes.” He takes a hard sip at his straw, but draws in only air. “Seven’s a lot of likes, when the whole world’s full of sheeple busy loving a fantasy show.”

“It’s very important to think for yourself and not get caught up in this whole ‘groupthink’ thing, something about an echo chamber,” Smuck continued halfheartedly, condensation pooling on his desk as he looked distractedly out the window at a world full of sheep. “Not me, though.”

While Smuck was briefly excited to see people enjoying HBO’s new Chernobyl series, he was disappointed to learn that the program was “apparently” based on real events. “You can’t make fun of things that really happened”, he sighs. “It’s only fiction that has no inherent value.”

Still, with several spin-offs announced and two more books on the way, Smuck remains hopeful that his time in the sun will come again. “Like most people, I can’t wait for George to finish the next book”, he said. “Not reading it is going to be big for me.”

You may also like...