As A Modern, Progressive Executive, I Don’t See Gender When I Instantly And Brutally Sack My Workers For No Reason

As the President of a large company, I’m under a lot of pressure to do my part for women in the workplace.

Speaking as a forward-thinking, progressive member of the executive board, it’s not enough to simply say we want to close the gender gap – we have to take strong, positive steps that translate into real action.

Other companies simply pay lip service to equality, rather than genuinely delivering. But in the year 2018, isn’t it reasonable to say that our women employees deserve the same access to company policies and services that our male employees receive?

That’s why I’m so excited to announce that starting today, our policy of ‘instantly and brutally sacking our workers for no reason’ is now available to our women employees as well.

No longer will it be simply our men who are constantly looking over their shoulder, terrified that the slightest misstep – real or imagined! – could result in their summary termination and dismissal.

We are so proud to be able to finally say that our women employees now share in the same perpetual state of fear that our men do.

When we first set up our company, in beautiful Washington – a gorgeous, thriving state which just happens to have harsh at-will employment legislation that allows us to sack any worker at any time and gives them no right to contest it – it’s fair to say that the closing the gender gap and smashing the glass ceiling were the last things on our minds.

However, bigotry can’t last forever. We’ve now put aside the old ways, and are focused on bringing women out of the shadows, into our workforce, and then right out again if they open their fucking mouth. That’s the kind of affirmative action we stand for, and we’re proud to do it.

When I think of the women in my family – my mother, my sister, my daughter – I look around at the world and I think “we need to do better.” I can only imagine how I would feel if my own daughter missed out on the opportunity to work in an environment of constant terror!

That’s why I’m so committed to making sure that she grows up knowing what all the men in her life already know – that she is a powerless cog in a vast machine, and that she damn well better keep her mouth shut.

If that isn’t equality, I don’t know what is.

Mike O’Brien is the President of ArenaNet.

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